Category: Musings

Challenge 14: Gratitude, Musings

Palm Sunday

by my13daychallenge

Today is Palm Sunday. The day Jesus entered Jerusalem with the crowd shouting praises and waiving palm leaves. I was thinking about that this morning and imaging what it might have been like. I started to feel a little jealous of the people that saw Christ. I would have liked to have seen Him. As I was feeling jealous, I had a very sweet thought. I can see Jesus every day in my heart. I can see Him when I show love to others. I can see Him when I follow Him. It was a good reminder for this beautiful Holy Week.

“But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

Challenge 14: Gratitude, Childhood memories, Musings

Walking

by my13daychallenge

I was a very romantic 17-year-old and regularly indulged in British literature. I also watched romantic comedies which filled my imagination with all kinds of wild ideas. One day while pondering why I didn’t have a date every weekend, I came to a startling conclusion. I wasn’t walking enough. All of the heroines in the novels met interesting people on walks. The characters in the romantic comedies met their future loves while out on walks. I was thrilled with this realization.

I now had an action plan. If I wanted a date to the dance, I just had to go on a walk. I put on my best dress, smeared red lipstick all over my lips and headed out the door. Full confidence. It was going to be just like the movies. I would walk down the street and casually meet the most eligible bachelor in the entire high school. I’d say something witty and then he’d ask me to Prom. It was all perfect until I stepped outside.

Now, let me tell you something about my neighborhood. It was not a pristine countryside. My family lived in a struggling neighborhood. The police helicopter flew over our street every evening at 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. waking me up. It was probably foolish to go on such a walking venture alone, but I was a romantic with a heart full of hope. Walking worked in the movies so it would work for me. I walked past the drug dealer’s house, the homes where the owners mowed the lawns and the ones that didn’t. I walked fast by the couple yelling at each other and a little slower by the couple kissing. I walked past a few kids riding their bikes in a church parking lot. I walked past the elementary school and the grocery store. No one paid any attention to me. The cars swished by and I didn’t have a date. It was nothing like the movies. I kept walking hoping for my romantic encounter but then my feet started hurting from my heels. It was time to go home.

I still enjoy walking around my neighborhood although I’m wiser now. I wear flats and don’t expect to meet Mr. Darcy along the way. I do occasionally find other interesting things on my walk. Today I found a beautiful leaf. It looks like a heart so I took it home with me.

I guess I’m still a little bit romantic.

Challenge 14: Gratitude, Current events, faith, Musings

My Easter Message

by my13daychallenge

A few weeks ago, I hurt my left knee. It’s taking longer than I think it should take to get better. It’s been an uncomfortable time of bandages, physical therapy and ups and down as my knee progresses toward full healing. There is light at the end of the knee tunnel, and it hurt really bad yesterday. Work is good and it has also been very difficult this year. Last night, I felt sorry for myself. I have a tradition to pray before I sleep. I didn’t feel like praying though. My knee hurt. I was tired. I felt some anxiety about work. The students are starting their standardized tests this week. Testing always adds additional stress to a teacher’s life. I honestly couldn’t think of anything useful to say to God and I didn’t feel like praying. After a long time of debating the merits of prayer, I decided just to tell Father how I really felt. My short prayer basically consisted of telling the God of the universe that I didn’t want to pray to Him because of how miserable I felt. I wish I could tell you I had some powerful, spiritual experience the moment I said Amen on my little prayer. I wish I could tell you that I instantly fell into a peaceful sleep and jumped out of bed this morning with a completely healed knee. Nope. That didn’t happen. I still felt miserable after my prayer. It took another hour (and some ibuprofen) to finally get comfortable enough to fall asleep. My knee is still injured today. I have to do the patience thing while my body heals. This patience thing is hard.

Today is Easter. You might wonder what my prayer experience has to do with the Easter message of a risen Lord. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes your knee hurts. Sometimes the only prayer you can muster is the one telling God you don’t really feel like praying. And the message of Easter is that God understands. That’s why he sent his Son to Earth. And Glory be to God forever for that gift.

Happy Easter, Everyone.

“Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations”(Deuteronomy 7: 9).

joyful moment, Musings, poetry

Christmas Poem

by my13daychallenge

In my house are many mansions

said the Father of us all.

Wrapped in swaddling, lowly manager

shepherds heard angelic call.

Precious child, dear Redeemer,

prophets told throughout the years.

Son of God, Grace descending

on this earth of pain and fear.

Go before us, dear Jehovah,

guide our feet along the way.

We can find our path

through darkness.

There is hope on Christmas day.

Wrapped in kindness, clothed in mercy,

Saints unite and hear this plea.

We don’t have to wait for heaven

to experience majesty.

Bind the wounded

Help the weary

 Fill the cup that has gone dry.

Transform the Earth to be God’s kingdom

Willing hands reach up to sky.

Musings, poetry

The Christmas Poem that didn’t happen

by my13daychallenge

I write a Christmas poem every year. I’ve been trying for two weeks to write my annual poem. I’ve got pages and pages of really bad poetry. Nothing is coming. The monster called 2020 has eaten all good poetry and I’m left with stale gingerbread cookies. In the middle of being frustrated, I had an idea to make a profile for an online dating website. I may not have a nice Christmas poem, but hopefully at least one person can get a good laugh with my attempt at online dating.

Open the dating website. Get scared. Close the window.

Imagine getting a really good kiss. Open the dating website.

Wonder how many people get murdered every year from folks they met online.

Close the window. Call your friend. The one who met her husband online.

Be brave. Open the dating website. Again.

Read the terms and conditions.

What? There’s a cost.

Close the window. Call your friend. The one who met her husband at church.

Do you know any single men?

Merry Christmas!

2021 will be better. It’s going to be the best year for me and the best year for you.

Challenge 14: Gratitude, Grief, joyful moment, Memory Lane, Musings, Wonder Women

Sure Love Ya

by my13daychallenge

My Mom’s family has a traditional goodbye saying. Sure Love Ya. It means goodbye, see you soon and you might drive me crazy sometimes but we’re still family.  I have no idea how many times I’ve said that expression in my life. It’s probably been at least a million times. There is another tradition.  Before ending a family gathering, we all huddle in a circle like a sports team and shout the saying. “Sure love ya.” The circle keeps getting bigger as more and more people join the family. 

It’s confession time.  The teenage me thought it was an embarrassing tradition. I hated it!  I only did it because my mother said I had to do it.  I was confident that we were the only family in the entire universe that would do something like that. 

My Grandma died this year. She was my last remaining grandparent Earth-side. We couldn’t meet with Grandma as a large family group to celebrate her birthday like we’ve done in the past. This year we meet on Zoom. It was fun to see various relatives as little Zoom boxes on the screen. We ended our short party with “Sure Love Ya”.  It was both sad and beautiful at the same time. 

I think I finally understand why Grandma liked us to huddle up and express love. I think she was trying to ensure that we still loved each other even after she left us. 

That is what I will remember most about my grandmother Marjorie Hill Smith. She loved. 

I loved my Grandma very much. I will miss her. I know I’m not the only person on Earth who has lost someone they loved this year. There are many souls who are grieving right now. 2020. It’s been a crazy year. I haven’t really liked this year. It’s been hard. REALLY HARD! I’m ready for 2020 to be over and just a chapter in a history textbook.

I have learned something this year though. I’ve learned that love is one of the few constants in our crazy, ever-changing world.

Sure Love Ya to all my dear family and friends.

(My Grandma and I enjoyed baking bread together. )


joyful moment, Musings

A Hug from Grandma

by my13daychallenge2 Comments on A Hug from Grandma

I had a miracle this month. Even though my Grandma Theda died back in 2006, she found a way to give me a hug.

Grandma's trophy

A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail from Shawn Larson from the maintenance department at St. David School in Saint David, Arizona. I was really surprised. I’ve had  this blog for years, and no one has ever used the “contact me” button. I thought it was a joke, so I ignored the message. Mr. Larson is a persistent man. He wrote me a second time. This time I paid attention. St. David School was going to remove all memorabilia  from the 1930-1940’s from their school. Mr. Larson was given the task of tossing the items. He felt strongly that this valedictorian trophy should not be thrown away. He wanted it to go to Theda Plumb’s family. He went on a quest to find the family. Here’s where the miracle happens. He found me.

I’ve always admired my grandma Theda Plumb Shelley Adams. She was a trailblazer. She’s an example to me on living life even when it is hard.  I wrote a blog post about her a few years ago. Mr. Larson found the blog post and contacted me.

It feels like a little miracle.

The last few years have been rough for me with lots of unexpected twists and turns.  I’m still in the healing part of the twisting and turning. I’ll come out on top eventually, but it has been a struggle to accept that my life is different than what I expected. During this healing time, I have on several occasions felt a special connection that is difficult to explain. I have felt that love for others continues to live on after we die. It’s more than just a wishful hope that our ancestors somehow act as guardian angles for us. It is a very personal feeling that makes me believe that not only does Grandma know the details of what is going on in my life, but she is rooting for me (and all of her children and grandchildren) to be happy.

It’s a hug from my grandmother.

Current events, Musings, poetry, Uncategorized

Poetry and the Helicopter

by my13daychallenge

Have you ever had a really strange dream?  I had one last night. In the dream, there was a lone sheet of paper on a brown table. This poem was written in cursive on that paper.

dear madam,

 i am sorry for the trifling distraction

caused by your pending demise

yours truly,

death

My apartment faces a park. Yesterday, a helicopter crashed in the park. I saw and heard the crash. It was very loud and scary. I might at some point write about the crash. Today is not that day though.  I want to write about my dream. I have never in my entire life dreamed a poem. I am both bothered by the theme and a little intrigued by the idea that Death leaves notes on brown tables.

My dream made me reflect on the Emily Dickinson poem about Death stopping for you.   I love Dickinson. Her poems are as delicious as rice pudding. You just want to go back for a second helping.  I felt inspired to write my own little poem with lots of dashes in honor of a master poet. This is my humble attempt.

If I like Dickinson –

Can use a dash –

Perhaps my words –

Will be immortal –

In all seriousness, I was very upset yesterday. My heart goes out to the family of the pilot and the passenger in the crash. My heart hurts for the others on the scene. I’m praying for everyone involved.

cropped-photo-i-like.jpg

(I took this picture several years ago while vacationing in Florida. It was right before a summer storm. This image has stayed with me as an expression on how there is both light and darkness in this journey called life.)

 

Challenge 16: Pura Vida, COVID-19, Current events, Musings

Enough for Today

by my13daychallenge

SedonaI struggle with anxiety. I’ve worked hard to learn coping strategies. The stress of COVID-19 has triggered me in many ways.  It’s forcing me practice all the skills I’ve learned.

I’ve felt strongly today that I need to share an experience I had this last week. I hope it helps someone feel less alone if they too have been triggered.

The COVID-19 pandemic has stirred up some old feelings about not having enough food. There was a time in my childhood when my parents greatly struggled financially.  The months leading up to my family moving in with my grandparents were very hard.

As the oldest child, I was keenly aware of the financial stress that hung in the air. I was especially worried that there wasn’t enough food. One night before we moved in with my grandparents, I woke up early, tiptoed into the kitchen with my journal and counted the contents of the cupboard and refrigerator. I wrote down my inventory along with my childhood assessment that we probably had enough food to last a few days. I vowed to eat less so my family could live.

As an adult, I realize that we were not really going to starve. We were blessed with a support system. My parents humbly reached out for help and accepted the generosity family and friends were willing to give them. It was a hard time for the entire family and impacted my view of life.

There was a day this week that I found myself in my kitchen with my journal doing an inventory. It’s a reasonable activity in a time of uncertainty to count what you have on hand. I was fine until the memory of younger me worrying about starving came crashing into my mind. I felt young again instead of being in my 40’s. What if there wasn’t enough food? What if I end up alone and living in a tent on the streets?

I knew my mind was going down an unhealthy path. I knew I needed a verbal affirmation to calm my thought patterns. I didn’t know what affirmation would help me though so I asked God to give me the words.

These are the words that came pouring into mind with great power and tender love.

“I have enough for today.”

I said it five or six times standing there in my apartment’s little kitchen. Each time I said it,  I felt stronger. I have enough for today. I have enough for today. That’s true. I do have enough for today. I can plan responsibly for tomorrow , but obsessively worrying will not help me feel peace right now. I have to believe that I really do have enough for today.

Dear Readers (the 20 or so people who actually read my blog),

I hope you are able to find peace in your own life. Let’s all work together to find a way to make sure everyone on our beautiful planet has enough for today. That’s my wish for this world. I want us all to be happy, healthy and whole.

With Love,

Amee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Challenge 15: Live in the Moment, Challenge Eleven: Be Brave, Current events, Musings, Uncategorized

Conversations in my head

by my13daychallenge

It’s been a month since I last wrote on my blog.  I’ve been trying to feel my feelings and take a day-at-a-time. Most days I can do that.  Yesterday was not one of those days. I felt very overwhelmed with how quickly the COVID-19 virus has spread around the world. The nervous side of me and the logical side started a debate in my head.

I decided to write down the conversation happening between my ears. It was pretty funny when I reread it later. Hopefully, it will make you laugh as well.

Nervous: The world is falling apart. It’s time to get yourself a really big truck and run over to Costco as fast as you can.

Logical: You don’t have a Costco membership.

Nervous: You’ll get one. And then you’ll buy all the stuff you need for the next 15 years.

Logical:  Um. That’s a lot of stuff. Do you really need a 15 year supply of toilet paper?

Nervous: Yes. Yes, you do. Go right now before they stop all production of everything for the rest of eternity.  Buy some chocolate chips while you’re there too. You might get a boyfriend one of these days. You’ll want to make him some cookies.

Logical: Cookies would be tasty.  You should make some. I’m sure this dream boyfriend will be kind and intelligent.

Nervous:  (cuts off Logical Amee) Yes, he’s all of that and a great kisser. You won’t be getting any kisses though if you’re dead. So, you better go to Costco right now before the world ends.

At this point, I just started laughing.

It was kind of funny that both my logical and nervous sides think chocolate chip cookies are a good idea.  I may be stuck at home practicing the social distancing thing, but at least I can still entertain myself.

How are you holding up?

(By the way, I looked in my pantry. I do have some chocolate chips so if the boyfriend decides to shows up on my doorstep. . . . . . I’m ready.)

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