Cleaning the dishes
Suds dripping down my hands
Trying to maintain a sense of normal.
I feel as empty as this old cup
Needing to be washed.
A want with no name crashes over me
As the water fills to the brim.
I’m a bit of a philosopher and at times my thoughts and their accompanying feelings overpower my very mortal body. Grief is hard work. I’m grieving right now. It’s exhausting. I’m grieving the loss of marriage, my home and the dreams I expected to achieve. I’m starting to see and accept the difficult things related to my former marriage. I’m grieving that knowledge. It was so much easier to remain in the confusing fog, and believe that things would ultimately get better if I just tried harder. I know that’s a little cryptic, but this is a public blog. The details aren’t as important as the acknowledgement that I’m grieving.
I miss my neighbors and friends from my old life. I still have their friendships, but it’s not the same. Things feel different. It’s no one’s fault. It can happen when you move to a different part of town. You drift apart. The times you do see your old neighbors and friends are sweet. It’s just not the same as before because you don’t see them every week. I’m old enough to know it’s not personal. It’s just how life works at times. People come and go in your life. You move on. You change. They change. Sometimes people stay in your life for a season and sometimes they remain your lifelong companion. That’s part of life. It’s just hard to accept all the changes.
It’s a want with no name.